Ready or not?

Why are you trying to have a child? Some people think that if they have a baby their marriage will improve or turn around. If you  are having problems in your marriage you should fix the problems before trying to get pregnant. Once you start down the road of  having a child you cannot go back. If you think marriage is hard now wait until you are getting no sleep for days and sometimes   weeks at a time. Tension builds when you are sleep deprived and if you're not 100% with your spouse at this time (one of the best times of your life) it could turn on you and make life miserable.

To think that your life will be exactly the same as it was before your new child has arrived is immature!  Having a child is a very    large responsibility and should not be taken lightly.  Once your child has arrived you need to make sure that your priorities are right and that your family is first over all. You will need to have balance! You cannot just drop what you're doing and go to a party all night like you may have in the past.  Your new child depends on you for life! He or she needs to have mom and dad by their side.

With children come expenses and there is no getting around that. Things that you will need to provide will include clothes, diapers, food, toys, education etc... The list goes on and on and really never ends.

The first months and years are the most important years of a child. They need mom and dad to be there for them to learn from.  At this age a child is like a blank slate, they see and hear everything that is going on around them. Things that you may not even think about.  Like your movements, your tone of voice, how you eat, how you talk to your spouse or other children.

If you can afford to stay home it is the best thing you can do for your child.  If you watch the news you have heard of stories  about daycare centers abusing children in one form or another. Not to say that all day-care is bad, but it is hard to choose whom to trust to watch you child. The most trustworthy person will never take care of your child as good as a parent. Also you need to figure your income, then subtract the child care plus the other related items; transportation, lunches, work clothes, etc.. and see if it is even worth it.  You would be surprised how many people think that the second job is making a huge difference when after all is said and done they are breaking even or maybe making $50 dollars a month extra. To have a mom or dad home full time is priceless to a child.

One thing every family should do before having their first child is live like the child is already here.  Take one income and put it  away for a couple of months and don't use any of it for bills, just bank it all. Then add child expenses like formula (if your not going to nurse), bottles, diapers (disposable or washable), clothes, furniture, toys, etc.... Getting further in debt is never good and a child is not a temporary situation.

When you come home from the hospital the marathon begins. When we left the hospital on the second day I remember thinking "is that it?" Now we have to keep this little baby alive! I thought that because we read some books and talked about it we were ready. But when you walk out the doors of the hospital and put your child into the new car seat for the first time it can be scary.  Walking in you home with a new baby for the first time thinking "now what do I do". Well it actually is pretty simple those first few days specially if you have help.  Feeding, sleeping and changing diapers will consume most of your day and night.  Doing this day after day can wear on anyone, and this is why it is very important to have family or good friends to help out.  The last thing you want to do is hurt your child just because you're tired!!!!!

When you start thinking about having a baby you really need to understand that once you start and get pregnant you cannot change your mind! This is not like trying a new hobby or taking a class at the local school. This is a commitment that you will have to live with for ever. This child will depend on you for his/her life for many years. You will have to be their for him/her for the rest of your life. Raising a child is one of life's greatest commitments. Make sure you understand that you cannot change your mind at 3am when your baby is crying because he/she is hungry, sick, etc.... and you have not had sleep for the third or fouth day, week, month.  I am not trying to talk anyone out of having children I just would like for people to think hard so they dont end up giving them up for adoption on day 7 because it is too much work. Or worse end up abusing or